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September 20, 2013
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I want to see the sparkle of the stars in your eyes,
Glimmering darkness that beholds my fallen form.
With arms as hard as redwood trees, sweeping through the skies,
You dig beneath my rooted earth and leave what lingers torn.

I want that you give agency and life to my heart.
I want to feel the quiet between our warm breath.
Most of all, I want to know we are not miles apart;
Without you by my fumbling side, I am repurposed death.

We may ride together down this road of foiling tests
Until our legs are shattered and our lungs beg air
And our bodies fall in unison, taken with rest;
Though we may be broken, we'll bask and bloom in our love's snare.
I had the hardest time naming this xD Do let me know if you can think of a better title.

This was written for Severus. It's kind of dumb how fictional characters inspire me more than the world around me. I think I need to live a little more.
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:iconsunlitbird:
Hello! I can't think of a better title for this very romantic poem, sorry! I see that it's about a 'broken' pair of lovers that feed on each others' love, particularly the narrator, but it has been a bumpy ride; nevertheless, the narrator wants to see it through. However, I struggle to understand some of the imagery; "redwood trees, sweeping through the skies" was your strongest, but I don't understand the meaning of "repurposed death", for instance. Also, "I want that you give agency and life to my heart" sounds a bit weirdly phrased, maybe? And I keep getting the feeling that there is some background information about this pair that is not being clearly presented to me, so I can't grasp their relationship very well. It seems as if the poetic subject wants their lover very badly and that they can't live without them, but on the other hand they leave them torn, but on another hand they'll "bask and bloom in our love's snare"? It's interesting nevertheless :aww: Thank you for the read!
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:iconladylaumes:
LadyLaumes Nov 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, thank you. I tend to stick nature-adjectives and metaphors in my writing, especially in my romantic writing because I feel that there's a very...sensual aspect to nature and the world that people tend to ignore. I apologize if that throws you off, that's just a stylistic thing on my part. As far as repurposed death goes >.>; that was mainly because I couldn't figure out what else to do there. I wanted it to rhyme and have that sort of connotation, but there was nothing eloquent enough to put in place of it.

"I want that you give life and agency to my heart" is exactly the same thing. I want the line to mean exactly what I have here but there isn't a way to say it with appropriate stress to make it flow. 

Also, yes. It's based on a false relationship that I built up in my head. I don't like to lay everything out for the reader, either...But basically it's just as you're understanding it. They want the relationship but they can't be in it, at least publicly, because if word got around or whatever, they would be killed, basically. But they're still entranced by each other.

And thank you for the critique :3
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:iconpicaroinfinity:
picaroinfinity Sep 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
As usual of your poetry, hot.

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:iconladylaumes:
LadyLaumes Sep 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:3 Thank you.
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:iconthespitfirespirit:
TheSpitfireSpirit Sep 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is stunningly beautiful. And for some reason I heard it in Tom Hiddleston's voice
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:iconladylaumes:
LadyLaumes Sep 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
xD I do wonder about his love life more often than I should. And not even like 'man it would be cool to be his girl (because frankly, I think that would be the most jealousy-inducing thing in the world...and I don't see him as the kind of man to soothe worries like that. His ego is far too massive.)'. Like mostly, I wonder what he looks for in a girl and what his past relationships have been like.
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:iconthespitfirespirit:
TheSpitfireSpirit Sep 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
He doesn't seem to make relationships public when/if they get beyond a few dates or just friendship, so who knows? Maybe he's too busy for a girlfriend, or maybe he doesn't connect well with women, despite the fact that he could have like any woman on the planet. Maybe he has personality flaws that he hides when in front of a camera, so as not to wreck his public image. He could have an awful temper, or be a male chauvinist, or perhaps he struggles with depression and antisocial tendencies...who knows? 
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:iconladylaumes:
LadyLaumes Sep 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah :/ I hate it when guys are like that because then my motherly instinct kicks in and I want to be there for them. 
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:iconthespitfirespirit:
TheSpitfireSpirit Sep 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah me too x.x and then they turn into a mission instead of just a guy I love to be with
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:iconundomiel321:
Undomiel321 Sep 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I can relate. What is it about fictional characters?
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